Junaid Ahmed
- M.A. in English
- B.A. in Christmas card self-photography
Click around to learn what makes my writing unique 
What makes me a rhetorician? Also, what’s a rhetorician?
Rhetoric is the art of persuasion in speaking and writing.
A rhetorician is someone who teaches people the art of persuasion in speaking and writing.
That’s me. Among my years of experience as a writing tutor, I also teach a prep course for the AP English Language and Composition Exam. I hurl ancient Greek terms at high school students who aspire to get ahead in their studies and earn a university credit. Aristotle would be proud.
I’m a journalist.
I write for the high-tech sector. And while I could try to show off here by dropping fancy technical terms, the real challenge is offering a storytelling angle to investors who are reading my articles and unfamiliar with said technical terms. I write about everything from autonomous boats to gallium nitride semiconductors, and what I’m actually trying to show off are the big changes these technologies will bring to our society.
I like writing and I’m good at it.
I like writing because it lets me be a storyteller, a strategist, a researcher, a language expert, a culture enthusiast, a salesman, and an empathizer all at once.
Storytelling is my foundation though, and I use it to make businesses, products, services (and anything else) intriguing to the people who matter most: customers.
Writing is an art – not a tool.
Why do I stand out as a writer? It’s because I write not to complete a job but to express myself in technique. Every word has rhythmic potential to me and I see all my words as brush strokes in sound. Does this matter if I’m writing a technical manual for a retro tube clock? Yes, because I don’t want the user to throw a tantrum as he would at a typical lifelessly-written manual. Does this matter for audio amplifier copy? Yes, it gives me a better chance at making the customer feel something if he sticks around to read because the rhythm is right.
Maybe all I’m saying – this could be very true – is that my writing’s got a ring to it.
We are taught in school to use writing as a communicative tool. But if you’re obsessed with writing like me then you know writing is no different from all the art forms we respect.
What’s my academic background?
All the work I do is informed by my background in Humor Studies and Conflict Resolution. I take a creative (and decidedly way more fun) approach to problem solving. Scroll down for more details about my education.
The customer is always right.
Yes, I’m a fan of customers. In fact you might even put me down as a supporter of that old-timey saying: The customer is always right. I’ve come to realize it’s more relevant today than ever.
The marketing industry has changed. Search engines and back buttons have given people more freedom than ever before. Why is this good for writers? Because we have to raise the bar. We have to offer a more user-centered service, a better product, a truer story – anything less and we’re selling hot air.
I’m good at writing guides.
Think of me as a consumer who’s down with consumption but not down with the cash-grabbiness of all the people out there asking for your money. For example, the auto industry loves people who buy a new car every five years. But your bank account will love you more if you know how to service your transmission and keep her going for an extra five. That’s where I come in. I’ve written guides on painting your own rims and performing surgery on handheld consoles. The end goal is always the same: save money, maintain your big purchase, smile and decline when your mechanic offers to clean your Mass Air Flow sensor for one hundred bucks because you know you can do it yourself for twelve.
I’m also good at reviews.
Customers need experiences, sure. But they also need honest reviewers to determine which products are best for their individual needs. I’ve got experience on both sides: selling the goods, and writing with editorial objectivity. If I’m not copywriting, I’m reviewing. There’s a story at the heart of every product, be it a set of snow tires or a video game. When I’m not improving customer experiences with my copy, I’m improving customer decision-making with my reviews.
Hungry for fried chicken, I mean innovation.
I’m hungry for opportunities to innovate, collaborate and write for different audiences. If you’re looking for someone who’s big on creativity, team work and writerly excellence, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
Junaid Ahmed
junaidahmedwriter [at] gmail.com
my master’s degree
I got my M.A. in English Literature from York University.
I studied the old world of marketing. I went deep into humour theory and the proliferation of advertising in the 1970’s, as seen by American cultural genius and writer, Don DeLillo.
Humor Studies
Humor Studies is a big field and it’s not nearly as popular as it should be. It’s impossible to summarize in such a small space (as any academic would say about their given field), but I’m willing to give you the low-down.
Humor Studies, in its most basic form, is an analysis of all things funny. There are three overarching theories that most experts in the field agree on: the Superiority Theory, the Relief Theory and the now very popular Incongruity Theory. My research dealt with this last one, namely how recognizing incongruities (the funny ones at least) promotes creative, rational thinking, which then leads to problem solving.
Again, this is a very dumbed-down summary and I’m sure I’ve just offended several academics who’ve devoted their life’s work to this mysterious, yet practical field. If you’re interested in a (way) more complete analysis, head on over here.
A list of things I learned during my Master’s
Because this is the internet, after all.
- The nitty gritties of language. How to use syntax and style to keep the reader delighted.
- How to create brands that are written not for products, but for the people who buy them (especially important in the 21st century).
- How to harness the power of humur to give people more meaningful stories.
- How to use humur to become a rational thinker and a problem solver.
- How to write panty girdle copy for the 1971 Sears Roebuck Catalog.
my bachelor of arts
I got my B.A. in English and Peace, Conflict & Justice Studies from the University of Toronto.
English Literature
Imagine you’re watching Training Day except it goes on for 4 years instead of one day and bad cop Denzel Washington is not one man, but ten to fifteen different book-wielding English professors.
Really though, this is where I gathered my critical acumen and knowledge of different cultures and walks of life – through great literature.
Peace, Conflict & Justice Studies
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Imagine you’re watching Training Day except, well, no it pretty much was Training Day. I was confronted by all types of conflicts and triggers, from implicit biases, to gang psychology, to game theory and Turko-Mongol global takeover.
I learned how to turn escalation, hostility and self-interest into disarmament, friendliness and mutual interest.
sweet reads
Bernadette Jiwa builds on what we now know about marketing in the digital world by telling her readers that the fortune is more important than the cookie. What does this mean? It’s better to sell people a feeling (the fortune) rather than a commodity (the cookie). The Fortune Cookie Principle gives readers insights into businesses that soared to the top not by selling the features of their products, but by telling a story about who they are and what their products mean for the customer. +1 to my brand writing skills after reading this book.
Dr. John Morreall has bridged the gap between academia and the business world by researching the benefits of humour. His work has been featured in The Economist, Forbes and Business Week. One of Morreal’s central arguments in Comic Relief is that humour inspires people to be rational, creative and understanding. I’m always happy to see brands that use humour because it shows that they’re making an effort to build actual connections with their human customers.
Don DeLillo’s largely forgotten first novel gave me the opportunity to see just how crazy meaningless brand images can be. At the heart of Americana lies some kind of transcendental experience based on hilarious marketing tactics that drown one man’s individuality into a sea of images “made in the image and likeness of images.” In marketing terms, Americana is a critique of brands that make no effort to build genuine human experiences.